Thursday, November 18, 2010

mowing lawns sucks

the science:
-genetically modified plants, fruits, and vegetables have been on the market since the early 1990's.
-grass looks pretty and helps with rain water runoff and flood mitigation.



every kid can probably relate to this. it's summer time, you've got plans with friends, and your dad asks you to mow the lawn. sure, short work if you've got a normal sized yard; maybe what, an hour of work, maybe an hour and a half at most? but not our yard. my parents' yard is a multi-acre property and we're talking a day and a half of mowing at least (and this is on a riding lawn mower).

ok, maybe i'm lazy, i get to sit and ride while it cuts the grass under me and i'm still complaining about it. but that's not the point. the point is i've got plans, things to do, and very little extra time (being a teenager at the time, i stayed pretty damn busy in the summer!). so there needs to be a better solution.

-a faster lawn mower?
no no, that's too short sighted. even if it was faster i'd still have to do the work.

-remote control lawn mower?
maybe on a perfectly flat and level lawn with no landscaping and a bird's eye view of our entire yard. so again, not practical.

we need to get to the root of the problem here (pun intended). we need to attack the grass itself or at least its rate of growth or its maximum growth height. now, since i've had this idea for years there is no doubt in my mind i wasn't the only kid that had thought of this. but why the hell hasn't it been done yet!?

it seems so simple. grow a shit ton of grass then pick out the shortest strands. now cultivate these together and you've got a whole bunch of short grass due to either:

genetically being shorter

or

a genetically slow growth rate

all you've gotta do is repeat the cycle a few times and let the new seeds germinate on your lawn. now you've got a lawn with really short grass that grows slowly and you're mowing your lawn a lot less frequently if at all depending on how many generations you cultivate and how persistent you are at picking the shortest grass.

my original thought was to only choose grass that would only grow to a length of about 2 centimeters but i think that would take far too long to naturally select grass that grew so short in length. not to mention the backlash i would get from all of the fertilizer and lawn mower companies that would be on my ass if i were ever to sell the stuff.

is grass really so hard to manipulate? i mean, we can grow all sorts of genetically modified fruits and vegetables. we can make herbicide resistant crops, grow fruits and vegetables with increased vitamin content, and manipulate various colors, sizes, and shapes out of them that would have never occurred naturally. and you're telling me we can't grow shorter grass??

get to work people.


1 comment:

  1. Yea, the scientists have really dropped the ball on this one...

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